When I saw Julia next, it had been three days since she slipped me the Full Circle website. I was back at the diner, unfortunately not in her section. But she saw me and wandered over with a smile.
“So, did it help?”
“It looks promising,” I said, trying not to give away my skepticism. “Where did you hear about it? Do you work for them on the side?”
“Not really,” she replied, “but I have been writing a little blog on the topic of debt consolidation. See I was like you. A little lost, treading water in the deep end of the pool. But these guys saved me. And as a little favour to them, I write a weekly blog about my experiences with debt. You should check out the blog.”
“Wow! And it’s been working? Lower interest and all that?”
“Of course,” she said. “But the best part is I don’t have to deal with a mountain of bills, just one payment to Full Circle. It’s so incredibly easy, you’ll wonder why more people don’t use the service.”
“Huh…” I mumbled. “And you have no problem making the payments?”
“Nope! I worked out a manageable rate with Rob, my credit counsellor. It still hurts each month, but the money is being split between all my creditors. Full Circle handles all of that. It’s brilliant.
Give them a call. They can explain all the details and put you in contact with your own counsellor. You won’t regret it. I promise.”
She looked sincere, but I still wasn’t ready to call.
“What about this blog?” I asked. “Where can I find it?”
“Just type in ‘Debt Consolidation Vancouver’ into Google, it should be in the top three search items. Give it a read and let me know what you think.”
That night, I went home and read every post on the site. I called Full Circle the next day. I haven’t looked back since.
The Vancouver rain poured down in sheets. It was a dreary day in December, the day I met Julia.
I was on lunch break, sitting in a diner down the street from the car lot. I stirred the soup that was in front of me and waited for it to cool. As I waited, I took out my pen and wrote the list of my creditors on the white restaurant napkin – six in total.
There were two credit card companies, the Bay, a phone company, The Brick and a credit union. With the list written and my soup still cooling, I stared out at the falling rain outside.
I started to imagine all the cars I would have to sell to pay off each creditor. I pictured them piled on top of each other like bundled commodities.
“Quite the list,” a voice broke in. I turned and saw the waitress refreshing my coffee. “What’s your plan?” she asked.
“Well, I don’t really have one. I guess pay it off slowly,” I replied.
Insurance it was not, but you would be happy to know I was offered the job at the dealership. I worked there for eleven months. It was humbling, but I realized one thing: Sales is sales. If you can sell a pair of shoes, you can sell a used Toyota Corolla. You either have the gift of sales or you don’t; fortunately, I do!
By the third month I was selling an average of eleven cars a week. It was fun and I loved doing it. I asked questions to the other salesmen, studied vehicle specs at night and by the eighth month mark, I was one of the top sales staff.
With success, came the return of a steady income. I moved out of the parents’ place and bought myself a new coach.
I settled in and started my adult life over again.
The last thing I unpacked was an old cardboard box. It had originally held a new coffee maker, but it was now full of collection letters and old bills from an assortment of creditors. I poured the contents over the kitchen table and stared at the paper reminders for close to twenty minutes.
I know I am keeping you in suspense, but the details of my financial turnaround will come.
This week I have two more stories to share about my dark days, my time spent without a financial counsellor.
So, as I mentioned in earlier posts, my girlfriend left me when my debt anxiety began to ruin our relationship. I’ve never blamed her. It was a totally natural response. I was acting completely erratic. And, as I told you at the end of the post, we have since reunited.
But during those months when we were apart, I decided to dip my foot back into the dating scene. Let me rephrase that – I went on a single date during our time apart.
Let’s call her Angela.
Angela was the daughter of one of my mother’s friends. She was the owner of a small marketing business and was relatively the same age as me. My mom had decided that we would be great together.
I wasn’t expecting much, but when we finally met, I was blown way. She was beautiful, smart, funny and outgoing.
We went for a ride around the seawall using bikes from a friend who owns a rental company. After making our way over to Granville Island, we spent some time browsing the market. After half-an-hour of interesting conversation, Angela suggested grabbing something to eat at Sandbar.
Now normally I would have chosen the hot dog stand, but this girl was special and I didn’t want to seem cheap. I somehow convinced myself, that my remaining credit card could handle the date.
You see where this is going…?
After three rounds of drinks and a full meal, the cheque came – she didn’t even reach for her wallet. I gave the waiter my card and prayed silently. Of course it was declined and I had to politely ask the young lady across from me to pick up the tab.
The ride back was quiet. I could have easily brushed the embarrassment off, but the anxiety surrounding my debt situation returned and that was all I could think about.
We parted at the rental shop with only a hug. I didn’t bother calling her and she never called me.
When you’re at the top of your game, everyone is your friend.
At work, emails are returned promptly, the boss invites you over for dinner, the secretary gives you a smile that she only reserves for her boyfriend and your clients swear their allegiance to your services.
At the bar, girls come up and start chatting without even an introduction. They can somehow sense your success and economic potential.
At the gym, the pounds are removed and your muscle definition becomes clear and ripped.
Compliments are thrown upon you, discounts are offered and your Facebook page is full of humourous banter between friends.
Everyone wants to bask in your successful glow.
This is when the credit card companies seek you out and feed on your already inflated ego. They convince you that your income will only increase and that a $30,000 limit on your card is a good idea. ‘You’ll need a whole new wardrobe and a fancy car to keep up with your new, powerful colleagues.’
Then ‘poof,’ like magic, they are gone when your finances turn sour.
It’s bad enough living without the smiles, idle chat and social favours that you enjoyed, but without credit your life becomes a day-to-day struggle.
The only evidence of your creditors existence is the monthly bills they send.
It’s true what they say about fair-weather friends…
This article is for all those ladies out there. Girls, it’s a fact we love to shop. If I had unlimited funds and no job demands, I could spend the rest of my days visiting every boutique on the planet in search of the perfect outfit.
I don’t what it is… the thrill of the hunt, the satisfaction received when you come across that amazing accessory or maybe it’s just we like to look good for our boys. Well, you can throw out the latter option, because I don’t have a boy and I’d rather look good for my own self-image than the affection of a hockey obsessed superfan.
But with very little expendable cash, it’s hard to pursue my passion.
That is until I discovered the wonderful world of consignment. Girls, I know it sounds like a dirty word, but consignment stores are a dream come true.
This is how it works. First, you go through your closet and pick out those twenty or thirty outfits you don’t plan on wearing again. Then you bring them down to your nearest consignment store. My favourite is Modern Upbeat on West Broadway.
Hopefully, in the next few months, your items will sell. The store will then give you 40% of the sale price. It’s that easy.
In the meantime, you can buy other brand name items at ridiculously low prices. If you see an article you like, but it still costs too much, wait a week or two and watch the price come down. It’s amazing. It’s like a sale everyday and with your own clothes in the mix, it’s almost like you are getting paid to shop.
Try it. Tell them Julia sent you.
And now with my debt under control with the help of Full Circle’s debt management program, I can shop even more!!!
Every once in a while, we at Full Circle Debt Solutions take a step back to reflect at the stories that have been posted on our debt consolidation blog.
We started this experiment with Scarlett, the artist. She was deeply into debt thanks to credit card bills, bad credit and student loans. She wrote about her Vancouver debt adventures. You can follow along here: Scarlett’s debt consolidation story.
Our next author was Ben, an accountant. For a guy who was good with numbers, he certainly had his debt management problems. You can follow his debt consolidation story here: Ben’s debt management story.
Then along came Eve, who joined us earlier this month. Eve is a dental assistant from Vancouver, BC. She had a few problems balancing her chequebook and keeping her credit cards in line, so she eventually found us to get her debt under control. You can follow Eve’s adventures here: Eve’s debt consolidation story.
It’s not bad being a single guy in this town. Vancouver is the ultimate cultural and culinary melting pot, which means beautiful women everywhere and plenty of amazing restaurants to take them out to. When I started working at the accounting firm, and stopped being a broke college student, I took full advantage of what our wonderful city had to offer. But now that I’m job-less, broke (yet again), and in debt (no less), it’s back to Subway and ESPN companionship.
Every lonely night I spend sitting on my couch, eating store-brand popcorn and throwing back Colts is depressing. The only way I get through it is by reminding myself over and over again that I have to save money, and get rid of my debt, if I ever want to get my business off the ground.
I’m not proud of it or anything, but I was what they called, a “super senior” in university. Not because I was the star basketball player or anything of that nature; rather, because it took me 6 years to graduate instead of the usual 4. Now let me explain myself… I’m not a dumb guy, nor am I a slacker. I am, however, extremely indecisive. I started out undecided as a first year, and then after a summer abroad in Rome, I decided that my life calling was to be an art curator. One Art History class later, I realized how wrong I was. Third year, it was journalism because I figured I’d be a great news anchor – after all, it’s like being an actor but without having to memorize lines. You can imagine how that went. Finally during fourth year, when all my friends were scrambling to complete their requirements and score internships, I found my calling. Business. And more specifically, accounting. Surprising even myself, it came quite naturally to me, and I liked the feeling of being good at something (for once!). Only problem was, I figured this out kind of late, and had to spend 2 extra years to get my degree. Great news for my career, but not-so-great news for my student loan debt.
It’s my second week of chronicling my journey here, and I’ve been playing around the blog a bit. I did some reading up on my predecessor Scarlett and even checked out Full Circle’s site, to see what they’re all about.
I know Scarlett had great results working with FC and everything, but I don’t know if I’m ready to take that leap yet. After all, I’m just getting comfortable with admitting the serious $H!# I’m in… You might think that it’s bull-headed stubbornness or even delusions that make me want to go it alone, but a guy’s got to try right?
I will say, though, I was glad to see that the process is pretty painless if I decide to get some professional help to manage my debt. It doesn’t leave the lazy-guy-in-me with any excuse to not sign up when all I have to do is fill out my name and contact info.
I was out having beers with my buddy Mac from university last week, catching up on what was new in our lives. He was regaling me with stories of how sick his trip to Cabo was, and I was getting him up to speed on how my business venture was going.
Somehow the conversation moved onto Twitter, and personal techniques on Twit-flirting, and he mentioned one of the Tweets that he had received that day. It was basically a casting call from a debt solution company for someone who would be interested in sharing their debt story.
First, let me note that Mac has always been the type of guy who did homework assignments a week before they were due, and who painstakingly took the most detailed notes in class. He was obviously pretty concerned with my current financial state and my seeming lack of initiative to get it under control. So he suggested that I volunteer myself to document my story for their blog.
“Hey man, just think of it as your financial journal. If you write this stuff down, you won’t be able to avoid the problem anymore,” he said, trying to convince me.
My hesitation must have been apparent because he quickly added, “Comon, it’ll help you start your business. Once your own debt’s taken care of…”
And long story short, ladies and gentlemen, here I am – revealing all the blood, guts, and gore that I experience on my way to financial freedom. End goal? Starting my own business.
I have something to admit. I forgot to mention one little detail in my last post. And that’s that I am deep in debt. And when I say deep, I mean like 69-days-to-rescue-the-Chilean-miners-deep. I’m still trying to pay off my student loans, and my credit card bills are piled as high as that rescue shaft was deep. I really don’t know why my personal finances always trip me up, considering the fact that I help people balance their checkbooks all day. I really have to get it together soon, god forbid one of my future clients finds out.
So my debt poses a problem for my entrepreneurial aspirations. How am I supposed to pay my web programmer and graphic designer if I’m struggling to make ends meet? At the very least, I know I need to have a solid website if I want this business to succeed…
Hey guys, since this is my first blog post, I guess I should probably introduce myself. My name is Ben and I’m a 29 year-old guy living in Vancouver. After I graduated from UBC, I jumped right into a job at one of the Big Fours in accounting (I won’t name which), and ended up staying there for 3 years, working my way up from being a lowly auditor. Like my fellow number-crunching minions, I was also trying to get my CA certificate so that I could eventually move up the corporate ladder. Endless nights and forsaken weekends later, I passed the test and became a chartered accountant. However, the corporate ladder proved too slippery for me to climb.
So I left my job, and everything that was safe and steady behind, to start my own boutique accounting firm. Sure, it’s going to be hard as hell, but I’ve got time – that’s where the ‘boutique’ comes in handy. My grand plan is this. I’ll start off small, build my brand, and once the customers start coming, all I’ll have to do is expand, right?
At Full Circle, we love our clients. Helping them manage their debt is our passion, and sending them on their way to a debt-free life is what we aim for. We build such strong bonds with our clients, that it’s a bittersweet moment when they reach the point of financial freedom – and part ways with us.
Such is the case with Scarlett, who was kind enough to share her story with the world on our blog. Now that she’s got the skills she needs to manage her debt, she’s more than prepared for staying on top of her bills and payments. Although she’s parting ways with us today, we know that it’s not goodbye; rather, it’s more of a see you later. Not because she’ll fall off the wagon, but because we know she’ll be back, but with success stories to tell.
This past Sunday, Mark and I were sitting in the kitchen after a particularly festive brunch, relaxing and enjoying our lazy Sunday. The kids were in the den, watching their cartoons, and we were sipping on our coffee, and flipping through the pages of the Sun. I was doing some serious newspaper reading (Dilbert, my ultimate guilty pleasure!), when Mark said to me, in a voice that he reserved for emotional or confessional moments, “Scar, I’m proud of us”.
This got me to thinking… We’re finally out of the woods with debt thanks to my rehabbed spending habits and our debt management consultant at Full Circle, and we’re finally making progress on the kids’ college funds. People are even asking me (me!) for financial advice. 4 years ago, I would have never guessed we’d be this far along.
So, dear readers, I think it’s time to say goodbye…As sad as I am about it, and as much as I love sharing my debt stories with you, I’m excited. Excited about my newfound financial responsibility and all the freedom that comes it. I can’t wait to spend time with my family, without the stress of thinking about interest rates, and bills. So thanks for hearing me out, and good luck to you on your road to financial freedom!
I was getting none of it a couple years ago, when Mark and I were clawing our way out of debt. But ever since we got in touch with our debt management consultant at Full Circle, I’ve been able to sit back and relax. Our debt was in good hands, and all Mark and I had to worry about was making our newly lowered monthly payments.
Not only were we able to consolidate our debt, we even started to save some money (finally!). Weights off our shoulders, we were finally able to focus all our attention on our careers – and that’s when Mark got his job offer in Vancouver. Our finances were finally back on track, I was finally getting some beauty sleep, and the rest is history.
I love my job. As a legal assistant at a law office that does a lot of great work in First Nations economic development, I’ve been learning a lot of Aboriginal law and the ins and outs of the Canadian justice system. Who knows? Maybe I’ll go to law school one day, when the kids are older. And to be honest, anything is better than my job in Calgary, where I was essentially a bona-fide document filer at a law office.
But as much as I love my job, I have days when I wake up and the only thing I want to do is lay on my couch and watch trashy soaps and infomercials. As soon as I go to wake up the kids, though, all those thoughts wash away and my work ethic kicks back into overdrive. After all, the last thing I want to do is to fall back into debt, and have to struggle to raise them.
You know, when I graduated from Emily Carr, I went through this whole phase where I was really into decorating my apartment. I was going for the mid-century modern feel and even splurged on a tufted velvet couch to complete the look. I hired someone to do crown moldings, redid my window treatments, and even repainted my walls. Clearly, I was on a mission to obtain my dream apartment with no regard for my credit card debt.
When I finally completed the apartment (and accrued a boatload of debt), I was so excited to invite all my friends over to admire my work. I invested another $300 on the housewarming party, justifying the expense on all the compliments I would receive – after all, it would have been a waste of money spending all this money on my home if nobody could appreciate it, right?
Well, what I should have realized is that no matter how much money you spend (a lot, in my case), nobody will even notice your awesome one-of-a-kind lambskin rug if your apartment is a mess. My guests were pirouetting through the clutter in my apartment the whole night and the closest thing I got to a compliment was, “oh, I like the area you live in”. Gee thanks. Not only was I up to my neck in bills debt, I was also knee deep in a huge mess.
For the first couple of months after I called Full Circle and finally got my debt under control, I was walking on eggshells. I was so worried about falling back to my old habits of overspending and underpaying that I would avoid social situations almost altogether. I knew that if I went out with my girlfriends to the mall, I’d be itching the whole time to splurge and I knew that if I did, after my prolonged period of saving, I would end up binge buying. And if I went out for a casual dinner with my coworkers, I would end up dropping at least $50 – I mean, if I’m going to dine out, I’m going to dine well). I even stopped wanting to go out on date nights with Mark anymore, and subjected him to many of my home-cooked meals.
Before long, Mark called me out on my hermit-status and convinced me that staying home all day was no way to live, even if I was living free of debt stress. So slowly but surely, I started to go out again, with my friends and with Mark. And sure, I slipped up a couple times and ended up buying something I shouldn’t have, but I was buying less, and buying less often. But I really should have give myself a little more credit – after all, I was doing pretty well for a recovering spendaholic.
As you probably already know, I’m somewhat of the black sheep of my financially responsible family. My mother and my sister both, are constantly aware of how much money they are spending and how much money they can afford to spend. I, on the other hand, seem to have been born with an awful predisposition to overspend.
But after my debt management consultant helped me wrangle my debt down to a low, manageable monthly payment, I was finally able to call my mom and just chat. Before, I avoided talking to her on the phone, and when I did, I would have to skirt around any issues that had to do with money, for fear of getting another earful of nagging. And it wasn’t that I was trying to be a bad daughter, you know, never calling my own mother. It’s just that I didn’t want to disappoint her and have her worrying about my money situation.
You can imagine her surprise when she received my call that night. I came clean about all the money trouble I had been in for the past couple of years, and how much stress I had been under. I rambled on and on, not wanting to interrupt before she understood that I had it all under control now, and that I had finally consolidated my debt, with the help of my debt management consultant at Full Circle. When I was done and a little out of breath, there was a moment of silence from my mom’s end. When she spoke, it was very quietly. “I’m proud of you,” she said.
When Mark and I first moved back to Vancouver together, the first order of business was to buy a car. While Mark was enamored with sleek lines and big engines, I was all about energy efficiency and eco-friendliness. After weeks of listening to Mark wax poetic about Napa leather seats and the ‘practicality’ of a sports car (honey, the kids are so small, they’ll definitely fit in the back seat!), I finally put my foot down and insisted on the Toyota Prius. And plus, we just got our debt under control, and there was no way I was going under again for some European sports car.
Of course, for the past couple of years, I’ve had to listen to Mark whine about our car’s torque and how the whole green car thing is a passing fad, and look at that the 20 inch rims on that beauty! So when I read in the paper about how one in three vehicles in B.C. would be electric by 2030, I almost jumped out of my seat at the breakfast table. It was a shame that Mark had already left for work, because I would have loved to do a victory lap around the kitchen, article in hand. Sure, it’s a tad bit immature, but so is wanting to own a convertible.
There was this one month when Mark and I were living in Calgary, when we were really down and out on cash, that we considered skipping town to escape our debt. And the calls we were getting from those annoying creditors did nothing to make us want to stay. We were broke, and getting desperate.
It’s a good thing my sister called one day to check in on us. She convinced us that running away from our debt was not the way out, pointing out that our credit scores would be ruined (and where would we run away to and what money would we live off of?). Thank goodness for older sibling wisdom.
So we decided to stay put and slowly work off our debt, which in retrospect was a good idea because a couple months later, we heard about Full Circle Debt Solutions. They helped us consolidate our debt, and even got rid of the annoying calls from creditors. If you find yourself in a similar situation that Mark and I were in, wanting to bail on your debt, give Full Circle a call before you make any drastic moves.
I know the kids are still young but I worry all the time about setting a good example for them when it comes to taking care of finances. As you probably know already, I had some problems when I was younger what with my swipe-happy habits, shopping sprees, and fine dining excursions. And this was all despite the fact that my mom was always in my ear about managing my money properly.
Sure, 10 years ago I wouldn’t have been the best financial role model for my kids. But ever since I got in touch with my debt management consultant at Full Circle, I can say that I am. He helped me design a debt consolidation plan that reduced my monthly payments to something I could manage, and helps me stay on track. I might not be the shining beacon of financial responsibility but at least my kids will know that I picked myself back up and hopefully they’ll learn from my mistakes and not make as many of their own.
One of my favorite $aving tips of the day is, “Buy in bulk – and invest in a vacuum sealer”. It’s something my mother taught me, just from tagging along with her whenever she went shopping at my all-time favorite store, Costco. I would insist on sitting in the cart (despite my age and size) while my mom pushed me through the store. The smell of samples hot out of the toaster ovens, the garish fleece jackets piled in cardboard bins, and the seemingly endless array of candy lining the warehouse shelves were feast to all my senses. The experience was, at the same time, fascinating and intoxicating to my 8-year-old self. In that 6000 square metre concrete warehouse, the world was full of possibilities.
Needless to say, the addiction continued into adulthood. Whenever we need something in the house, whether it be toilet paper or some eggs, I jump at the opportunity. Not only because I love Costco, but also because we save a lot of money getting things like meat, seafood, and cheese there. Throw in a basic at-home vacuum sealer, and you’re looking at a packed freezer and a boatload of savings. And even though I don’t get to sit in the cart anymore when I go to Costco (I had to relinquish my seat to my son), I get to be a kid again.
I’m sick of paying bills. I know it’s all part of being an adult an all, but sometimes I wish I could go back to my sandbox days. Sure, I wouldn’t have a car to drive, credit card to use, or cell to text with, but I’d be totally debt free. (And I’m sure my mailman wouldn’t mind.)
But seriously, how nice would it be if the biggest worry in your life were the guest list at your next play date? Instead, I have to worry about how I’m going to make my next mortgage payment and how I’ll pay for my car insurance.
My mom is the thriftiest woman I know. My dad worked all the time, and since my mom was a stay-at-home mom, she took it upon herself to manage our family’s finances. Every purchase, payment, and deposit was balanced in her checkbook, which seemed to be a permanent fixture in her handbag. All receipts – even those from buying a pack of gum – were stored in a tiny drawer in the kitchen desk and dutifully checked whenever the credit card bills came at the end of each month.
When my sister and I were growing up, mom tried to instill in us a sense of financial responsibility. The earliest lesson I can remember was when she gifted us with piggy banks when we started getting our allowance. While my sister would carefully deposit half of her weekly $5 into her pig, I would be at Seven Eleven on Monday shoving my hand into the 5-cent candy jars. Needless to say, her pig got fat while my stayed painfully thin.
In retrospect, that was a pretty good predictor that my sister would be the one to guide me out of my financial rut. Which is exactly what she did 2 years ago when Mark and I found ourselves close to bankruptcy and ready to skip town. She told us to call Full Circle immediately, assuring us that their debt management consultants would help us reduce our debt. We called, and surely enough, our consultant helped us consolidate our debt to one manageable monthly payment.
Our oldest, Griffin, is on summer break, much to the delight of his younger sister Silvia who considers herself his sidekick. All summer long, they’ve been taking advantage of the sunny days and warm weather, and have developed quite the skill at convincing our nanny to take them to the beach. When I get home from work, I always know if they’ve been successful, not only by the sandy trails I find in the foyer but by the stories that the kids enthusiastically tell me about their seaside escapades.
Now that Mark and I have our finances under control, thanks to our Full Circle debt consultant who helped us consolidate our debt, we’ve decided that we should take our first family vacation abroad. Since the kids love the waves so much, we’re definitely thinking somewhere tropical with white sandy beaches, but we’re not sure where. Any suggestions?
When Mark and I first moved in to our new apartment in Calgary, it was not all sunshine and roses. Both of us had been struggling a bit with our finances, trying to keep up with rent, bills, and student loans. So it was sort of a no brainer for us to live together so that we could split our living expenses.
But just when things started looking up, Mark lost his job at the architecture firm and had to go into freelance consulting. Our cash flow reduced to a meagre trickle, what with my pay as a legal assistant and his inconsistent employment. Add that to the trail of personal debt that had followed me from Vancouver, and we were in serious trouble.
That’s when the fighting started. And it was always about money, even if it wasn’t explicitly expressed. As you can guess, passive aggressiveness was usually my weapon of choice. Despite the fact that my finances were in a worse state than Mark’s, I picked fights over just about anything – not putting the toilet seat down, his gym membership fees, and the flavor of ice cream he’d buy – everything was fair game.
During one particularly ridiculous argument, while bickering about the recyclability of a pizza box, Mark’s pressed his lips together and his grinning eyes caught mine. In that instant, it dawned on me how crazy we had become, and I burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.
Looking back at those days now brings a smile to my face, but only because we decided post-pizza box, to do something about our debt. We called Full Circle, and one of their debt management consultants guided us through the process of debt consolidation. We reconfigured our monthly bills to one low monthly payment and never looked back.
I met Mark, we hooked up, and my job got better. We moved into a flat, and everything got better. Then, we moved to Calgary, Alberta of all places – to the bustling capital of cows and hats.
We lived right downtown. Mark worked at a big architectural firm. It was okay. No tax there, which was nice.
I kind of kept my credit card statements from him, which I felt a little dishonest about, but I didn’t want him to see that I had maxed out my Visa and I was quickly getting there with a Sears card too. A Sears card! I really wanted to get us a good bed though – but I should have got a mattress in Vancouver. They don’t have Simmons like they do out West!
That summer we made plans to get married. He had a good job. I was doing okay at the legal assisting firm.
The first lie, was a lie to myself. I told myself at some point that I was not an artist.
Basically, I let them beat me down to think that I was stupid to think that I was special. I can’t really pinpoint ‘who’ they were. But the worst part about being in art school is that everyone judges you, especially your parents – especially your friends.
It’s unfortunate. It is based on envy. And it sucks.
The reality is – very few musicians get to the point that they make a living doing what they love. Same with writers. Same with directors. When you get into the finer arts like sculpting, and interior design, and concept-driven high art – it becomes even harder.
Half of my class ended up pregnant, or in a comfortable relationship with a picket-fence partner. Toiling their craft essentially as knee-jerk entitled attitude (which we were taught) to cover any absence of dedication to the craft. The other half beat their heads against the wall until opportunity arose, or like me, they came to terms with reality.
To be an interior set designer is expensive. First off, you need the clothes. It’s hard to haggle in the tens of thousands if you’re not wearing something they trust is worth the same.
My world became a world of knock-off LV purses, and hand-me-down Prada shoes and borrowed cashmere and gems.
I was faking it, alright, but I had no choice, that was the only world I knew.
Combine a Canada student loan, and then another, with a maxed out credit card and lines of credit stretched to the point that they could scream – and you have a desperate situation, with only two outs.
I could find a man, or anyone, as fast as I could to support me.
I could look at reality with cold, sad eyes, admit that I was no artist and give in – and take on a new profession.
I did the second.
I was no artist. And the more I told myself that, the more bitter I became. But telling myself that was the first of six little lies.
Because it wasn’t true. I was an artist. I am. And I know this with all my heart.
It’s about 8 am. And I don’t think I have ever felt this alive at such an ungodly hour.
I had the best dreams last night. It was like everything in my life was coming together. I was happy again. I was working on my art. I was free to laugh and travel with my friends and not be bogged down in this wretched debt-stench of my life.
I remember the conversation I had last night with Full Circle Debt Solutions. And I had an interesting idea.
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